


souls unbruised

by carolinka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 07:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6946426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinka/pseuds/carolinka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you asked Remus, this is how he would describe Sirius Black over the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	souls unbruised

Joy, he thinks. This is what Sirius is. It seemed there is not a single second when he doesn’t throw his head back to laugh loudly at James’ jokes and his eyes always shine, even in the dark and wherever Remus goes, he is always there to make his insides clench with something he doesn’t understand. It isn’t jealousy, no, but he suspects of envy because Sirius is everything he is not and would love to be: charming, carefree and loud.

Friend, he thinks. He doesn’t know anyone could be this open and welcoming, and brave, God, so so brave. He has always thought he is on the unlucky side of the world but seeing how Sirius is treated by his family, he feels grateful for his loving parents and guilty that a person whose heart is so big has to suffer and he could do nothing. He decides he is his favourite person (This is the best thing he can give to Sirius anyways and he wishes, he really wishes with all of his heart that it is somehow enough.)

Perplexed, he thinks. He sees the way he watches over his brother and tries to fix their incapable bond, and it breaks his heart to see Sirius takes it harder than he lets on. He curses his brother under his breathe when he talks like all pure blood supremacists. He loves his little brother and seeing him hanging out with the ones “who Mother would approve” is a blow he can’t recover from. would say all of his family deserved to rot in hell which they call home but he’d still glow when he gets a letter with minimal insulting. Sort of.

Electric, he thinks. That’s how he feels when Sirius is in his sight (and whenever he is not). His hands would shake and his knees would tremble whenever Sirius got too close, whispering in his ear about the instructions about their newest prank which he never approves but doesn't object anyways. James always offers him another lecture with a glint in his eyes that he doesn't understand but he never asks why because he knows the answer and he is too much of a coward to hear it yet. James does it every time and Remus knows James pities him.

Hurt, he thinks. He doesn't get how Sirius' hate for Snape is bigger than the love he feels for Remus. And this hurts more than that Sirius put someone's life in danger, he put Remus in a position that he would never forgive himself if James hadn't stopped Snape. He knows Sirius is a stupid boy who thinks he is invincible and he never wanted things to turn out this way but it doesn't matter because Sirius should have thought but he can't bring himself to hate because it's Sirius Black and he is so deep under his skin to push him away anymore. It hurts more when a howler from his mother screams and screams about how he is a disgrace and filth and disappointment for being friends with the most disgusting lower ones and he was no longer a child of hers. (And deep down he knows it has something to do with him and it’s so horrible but it eases the pain that Sirius is willing to go through that for him) It hurts when Sirius doesn't talk to anyone for two weeks and when he isn't the one who he opens up to. But what hurts most is the expression on Sirius' face when Regulus refuses to talk to him saying that he has got nothing to do with blood traitors and he hasn't considered him a brother since he was sorted with the wrong type.

Jealousy, he thinks. Girls throw themselves at Sirius and Remus is sure he even sees some boys wink at him suggestively occasionally and no, he's not imagining things no matter what Peter and James say. It shouldn't come as a surprise, Sirius is ridiculously gorgeous and handsome that it is normal to feel attracted to him. That's what he says to himself when he wakes up with a hard on every morning because of a dream, and they always have Sirius naked in various positions (He refuses to acknowledge that he confesses his love to Remus in every single one of them because this is just a phase and it's all about teenage hormones and he definitely isn't in love with his best friend) and fuck he now feels a tingling sensation in his lower abdomen because Sirius has a hand on his thigh, his thumb is caressing inside of it and he is furious Sirius has this extreme affect on him. He is even jealous of Regulus because Sirius still cares about him and loves him more than any of his friends even though he says James is his brother now. (And he doesn’t know how to react when he says he won’t even dare try to explain what Remus means to him.) He still does everything to keep Regulus out of Death Eater circles even though his brother is suddenly best friends with Snape and Remus hates that Regulus has so much bigger place in Sirius’ heart than him.

Love, he thinks. "I wouldn't survive a day without you" Sirius whispers into the crook of his neck one day in Potters’ guest room, his warm breath comforting even in the hot night and Remus has to blink a few times because that's what he was thinking moments ago and is Sirius using legilimency on him? He can't look Sirius in the eye because if he does he'll confess everything but Sirius now has tears in his eyes and he is totally tongue-tied right now because never once he had seen Sirius crying and now he is crying because of him. So he presses his lips against Sirius', not knowing what urged him to do but he guesses it doesn't matter because Sirius is smiling into the kiss and Remus thinks he is the luckiest person on earth because he has the most amazing person in his arms and he loves him more than anyone he ever met. He has a hard time believing Sirius is actually interested in him but he is actually making it so easy to believe because Sirius is always tangled with him in the mornings and he makes him tea exactly like he takes it and he heals his wounds on full moons and he writes ‘I love you’ on his books. (He can’t bring himself to believe it though, he doesn’t think he can handle a heartbreak.) He doesn’t think Lily gets Sirius completely because she thinks it’s unusual for Sirius to act like this but doesn’t she see how loving and caring Sirius to his friends? Lily shakes his head unbelievingly when he expresses his thoughts and she smiles, and oh, she is so kind and he loves her so much. “Don’t do this to him, Remus.” she whispers and isn’t it ironic that it is what makes him believe? It isn’t much later when he tells Sirius that he loves him and maybe it is not the most convenient time seeing they are in a Quidditch match but Sirius smiles brighter than ever and he can’t believe he has lost so much time without seeing that smile.

 


End file.
